“It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it,” say Tanya and Trinda LaFond, this year’s organizers of Rossland Golden City Days’ third Annual Outhouse Races. While last year’s organizer chainsaw carver Mike Williams is out of town on business, these two will be overseeing this year’s event.
“We aren’t talking crap,” says Tanya, “but the LaFonds intend to wipe out anyone who attempts to dethrone them as the reigning champions.” The LaFonds would like to challenge last year’s competitors (the Retired Rossland Firefighters and the Rossland Firefighters) to a rematch, and dare the next generation of LaFonds to put in their own team. Tanya would also like to personally challenge the Drake clan to put together a team to prove which infamous Rossland family is number one, and which is number two, so to speak.
All you need is five team members, an outhouse and a good set of wheels. Each team races the clock, with one team member on the throne and the other four pushing and pulling, to cross the finish line with the best-combined time of two runs. Teams roll their biffies 100 feet down the course, stop and do a fire drill (three laps around the outhouse ending with swapped positions) before continuing another 100 feet. At that point, participants ditch their rides with a roll of toilet paper in hand and hustle the rest of the way to set the roll on a plunger 30 feet further at the finish line.
Extra outhouses are available to prospective racers, thanks to Mike Williams, who built them using recycled materials.
Those looking to step up to the challenge are encouraged to contact Tanya at email@example.com or Trinda at firstname.lastname@example.org for details. Participants are encouraged to come in costume and to decorate their outhouse to match their team’s theme. Winners will take home the coveted toilet seat trophy to adorn their mantle and impress their friends and family.
Official rules, structure and race team information
• Outhouse must be human-powered. No electric, solar, or gas-powered assistance. Outhouse must have four walls, roof, doorway, wiping material, and a toilet seat with at least one hole. It may have a door, but door must remain securely open during the race.
• Outhouse must be a minimum of nine square feet at the base, and a maximum overall width not to exceed six feet (including grasping or pushing devices). A minimum height of five feet from the floor to the highest point of the roof is required.
• Any number and size of wheels may be used.
• Any device for pushing or pulling the outhouse may be used, except ropes. All pushing or pulling devices must be solidly secured.
• Outhouses may be built from any material, except glass, and must be structurally sound.
• Each entry must have an outhouse name, which is to be displayed on each side of the structure. Sponsors’ names may be displayed anywhere on the outside walls.
• The team must consist of five people; one person must ride inside.
• Minimum age is 12 years.
• Team is to dress in costume to reflect the theme of their entry.
• Team check-in: All outhouses and teams will check in at the vacant lot next to Rossland Fine Wine and Spirits at 2 p.m. and will be inspected upon arrival. Races will start at 2:45 p.m.
• Adequate safety attire required for all members.
• There is no weight limit.
• Handles are required for outhouse riders.
• There will be a mandatory pit stop at mid-race for a fire drill. Each team member must run around the outhouse three times and the rider must switch places with one of the pushers. Each team member will be required to place a color-coded roll of toilet paper on a color-coded plunger in order of color scheme provided at race time. The race will be timed from start to finish, the objective being to achieve the lowest overall time.
For race entry form, email Trinda LaFond at email@example.com or
Tanya LaFond at firstname.lastname@example.org